You’re actively figuring out how to find love in your life and build a healthy relationship so you’ve probably read a little bit about attachment style in relationships. Attachment theory explains emotional attachments between humans and can help you understand how your bond with your parents informs your style of attachment in a relationship as an adult.
Your attachment style in relationships can be one of four types:
If you want to build a healthy relationship, you have to understand attachment in a relationship and which style sounds most like you.
Important note: Some people have elements of multiple attachment styles, depending on the situation or the phase of their life. The key thing is to recognize which attachment style in relationships you identify with most. Then, you can do the work to improve how you approach dating and your partnerships. If you want to build a healthy relationship, make an effort to work on yourself and learn how to have a secure attachment style in relationships.
All right, let’s go over each style and how it changes your path to finding love in your life. Get ready to learn more about yourself!
Secure Attachment Style in Relationships
A secure attachment style in relationships is the healthiest and leads to long-lasting partnerships—and it’s the kind of attachment in a relationship we ALL want. With secure attachment in a relationship, you’re comfortable showing interest in your partner through affection. You’re self-confident and don’t necessarily need to be in a relationship to be happy.
That means you have clear boundaries and a success mindset. Your relationship doesn’t make or break you—you can accept rejection and move on, even when it’s difficult. You trust your partner, and you’re trustworthy. People with a secure attachment style in relationships are the best romantic partners!
Anxious Attachment Style in Relationships
If you have an anxious attachment in relationships, you’re usually nervous and stressed out when you’re dating. You need constant reassurance and affection from your partner as a way to validate the relationship. You’re often afraid your partner doesn’t like you as much as you like them. If you have an anxious attachment style in relationships, you struggle to be single and often find yourself in abusive and unhealthy relationships, just so you don’t have to be alone.
There are different levels of anxious attachment in relationships. You might be more anxious about trusting your partner, for example. You might feel insecure a lot and find yourself wondering if your partner is cheating on you. If this sounds at all familiar and you think you have some level of anxious attachment in relationships, try to work on becoming more secure in your love life.
Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships
What is avoidant attachment in relationships? Think about people who are afraid to commit. That’s an avoidant attachment style! If you have an avoidant attachment in a relationship, you’re independent and might feel uncomfortable with intimacy or getting too close to someone. These so-called commitment-phobes might run if they think the relationship is getting serious.
Avoidant types struggle with non-attachment in relationships. They’re constantly worried that their partner is trying to control them or take away their freedom. That’s why an avoidant attachment style in relationships looks like one foot in, one foot out. If you’re avoidant in romantic relationships, you’ll need to overcome your fear of committing to build a healthy relationship.
Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships
This type is a combination of avoidant and anxious attachment in relationships and is also known as the fearful or disorganized type. It’s an unfortunate combination that shows up as fear of commitment and lack of trust, preventing you from getting close to anyone. The anxious-avoidant attachment style in relationships usually leads to unhealthy relationships, and many people with this style find themselves single and alone.
If you’re the anxious-avoidant attachment in a relationship, you might have low self-confidence and trouble expressing your emotions. You might avoid intimacy because you’re terrified of getting hurt. This could stem from abusive past relationships, being cheated on, failed dates, or other bad dating experiences. The best way to move forward is to seek professional help before attempting to find love again.
Strive for Secure Attachment in a Relationship
It’s probably pretty obvious which attachment style in relationships is healthiest. Having a secure attachment in a relationship is key if you want to learn how to find love in your life. But it’s okay if you aren’t quite there yet!
If you find yourself struggling to achieve secure attachment in a relationship, Heart Appeal can help! We’re expert relationship coaches and can guide you through your dating journey. Members have access to a community of other singles who are going through similar experiences and learning how to be their best selves.
Join today to take control of your love life and put an end to your unhealthy attachment style in relationships!
Hi, I’m Raghed!
Founder and lead relationship coach at HeartAppeal.
Our blog will be your new favorite place to go for advice, laughs, and comfort through all the stages of dating. We stay up-to-date on all the latest dating trends, so you don’t have to. Have a topic you’d like us to cover or a story you’d like to share with our community? Send me an email; we’d love to include it!