Rejection is one of the hardest parts of dating. No matter if you’re the one being rejected or figuring out how to turn down a date nicely, it’s never a pleasant experience. You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but you also don’t want to waste their time. If you aren’t interested in dating this person, it’s best for both parties to go their separate ways.
Whether you’re deciding how to reject someone on dating app or someone you met IRL, it’s still an awkward situation. At some point, you’ll have to decide how to tell someone you’re not into them in a nice way after a failed date. Do you ghost them to avoid the conversation altogether? Or do you make up some elaborate story about why you can’t date them anymore?
Whether you’re rejecting someone after a few dates or only a few messages exchanged, it’s important to know how to say you are not interested in a relationship with them. We’ve been through it and are here to dish out the best advice for letting your date know you’re just not that into them.
Advice on How to Turn Down a Date Nicely
You’ve avoided it long enough. You can’t put off the dreaded conversation any longer: it’s time to turn down a date. Don’t worry, you’ve got this! It’ll be over before you know it. Time to make room for new potential for yourself and allow the other person to find someone better suited for them too. Use our expert dating advice ahead on how to tell someone you’re not into them (in a nice way!).
Keep the message short and simple. There’s absolutely no need to go on and on about how amazing they are, but just not for YOU. Face it, neither of you wants to have this conversation, so it’s better to make it as quick as possible. One way to turn down a date with someone you’ve been on a few dates with could sound something like, “I really have enjoyed getting to know you, but I just don’t feel a romantic connection.” Simple and direct, so there’s no confusion about how you feel.
When mastering how to turn down a date nicely, remember to NOT tell them all the reasons you don’t like them (like all the red flags you noticed). If they ask why, you can say something along the lines of not feeling that chemistry or spark with them. There’s no need to get into why you don’t like them physically or what you don’t like about their personality. This will only hurt their feelings more. They’re already getting rejected—no need to add salt to the wound. You’re allowed to have a type and standards. You don’t need to justify why you made this decision not to date them anymore.
Depending on what dating stage you’re in with this person, you’ll want to decide whether it’s best to text, call, or have the conversation in person. If you haven’t even met this person yet beyond chatting online, a message in the app or via text is perfectly fine. And honestly, if you feel more comfortable sending a message through text to someone you’ve been dating for a while, that’s okay too. It all depends on how well you know them and what the situation is. Don’t feel guilty about not doing it in person if you don’t want to.
During a rejection, there’s usually an impulse to say sorry for how we feel. You don’t have to apologize for feeling a certain way about someone. How you feel is out of your control, and it’s important to speak up if you don’t think someone is a good match for you. You might feel you need to offer friendship to soften the blow. If you don’t want to be friends with this person, you don’t need to say, “Let’s stay friends.” This could give them false hope that you’ll continue to talk and see each other, or that maybe you’ll change your mind later.
No matter how you do it, you can only hope they’ll take the rejection well. Some people react with anger and strong emotions. They might say hurtful things back that they don’t really mean or even try to insult you, saying they didn’t want to date you anyway (further confirming this wouldn’t have been a healthy relationship). TBe prepared to block anyone who reacts in a negative or hostile manner to this rejection. Hopefully, if you’re as kind as possible about it, they can appreciate that you handled the situation with respect. If you feel this person could lash out against you, for your own well-being, do the rejection over the phone or text rather than in person.
We hope that our advice on how to tell someone you’re not into them will help you the next time you have to turn down a date! It can take time to figure out how to turn down a date nicely and feel comfortable with the whole situation. But the more you continue to date, the more experiences you’ll have in nicely rejecting those that aren’t a match for you.
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Hi, I’m Raghed!
Founder and lead relationship coach at HeartAppeal.
Our blog will be your new favorite place to go for advice, laughs, and comfort through all the stages of dating. We stay up-to-date on all the latest dating trends, so you don’t have to. Have a topic you’d like us to cover or a story you’d like to share with our community? Send me an email; we’d love to include it!