I Think My Date Has Commitment Issues, Will They Change?

What does a committed relationship mean exactly? Nowadays it seems there are many different definitions depending on who you ask. For our purposes, a committed relationship encompasses:

• Faithfulness
• Loyalty
• Dedication
• Respect

 When you’re seeking  long term relationships, issues with any of the above concepts can be big red flags. 

If you’re noticing red flags around commitment issues early on,there’s a very slim chance they’ll change. We’re here to save you time and heartache when seeking healthy long term relationships in your life.

What Does It Mean to Have Commitment Issues?

Commitment issues in dating arise when a person cannot dedicate themselves to a long-term, serious relationship. Instead, they prefer to stay in the undefined territory. You can also classify this behavior as: 

• Fear of commitment
• Relationship anxiety
• Commitment phobia 

When your date has commitment struggles early on, you may feel a lack of progression to the next level of the relationship.

Signs Your Date Has Commitment Issues in Long Term Relationships

When you’re in the early stages of dating, you may be asking yourself, how do I find love? 

It may be difficult to determine right away if the person you’re seeing is seeking a serious relationship with you or has commitment issues instead. 

So, what does it mean to have commitment issues? Let’s explore some of the signs:

Avoids Talking About the Future

If your date is afraid of commitment, they won’t be making plans with you any further than a week or two in advance. To put it bluntly, they don’t talk about the future because they aren’t sure if they want you in it. When plans are made too far into the future, there’s more pressure to meet those expectations, leading to long term relationships they may not want.

They Can Go Days Without Talking to You

When they go cold in the communication department, it’s a sign they’re trying to slow the progression down and assert their independence. If they can go days or weeks without making plans, it’s because they are trying to keep their distance. When your date truly cares about keeping the momentum going, they keep in contact.

No Interest to Meet or Introduce Friends or Family

This one can be tricky to figure out in the early stages of dating. Some people may not introduce anyone to their family unless they have been dating exclusively for a long time. But if they don’t attempt to introduce you to friends they always hang out with or mention, they probably don’t want to include you in their inner circle.

They Don’t Define the Relationship

So, what are we? Oh, the dreaded DTR (define the relationship) talk. This usually comes up when you have been seeing someone for a few weeks or months and haven’t discussed where things are headed. If they continue to keep you in the grey area, and you find yourself in an undefined situationship, they may have a fear of commitment. 

Focus Is on Physical Connection Rather Than Emotional 

If your date calls for late-night hookups and doesn’t find time to invest in you beyond the bedroom, they might be afraid of commitment. Call it what you want, no strings attached sex or friends with benefits. Your date will stay in this area of non-committal ambiguity for as long as they can if they have commitment issues. 

Reasons Someone May Have Commitment Issues

It’s not your responsibility to pinpoint precisely as you are not your date’s therapist. However, it helps to understand why someone might date the way they do, avoiding commitment in their love life.

Fear of Abandonment

Maybe your date has been in long term relationships in the past only to have with them end with their partner leaving them. They fear that the same thing will happen if they get more serious with someone new, so they avoid making promises. 

Low Self-Esteem

When a person doesn’t love themself, it makes it very difficult to love someone else. They may be asking, how do I find love, is it even possible for me? They thrive on approval from others with a tendency to date multiple people without commitment to get that boost of confidence.

Searching for “The One”

If they have commitment issues, they’re always waiting for someone better to come along. They might be afraid of committing to someone who may not be their ultimate match. The sad part is that they may never get close enough to anyone to find out if that “perfect” person even exists.

Trust Issues

Your date may have been cheated on in the past, or they may have been unfaithful to past partners. It can take time for your date to develop trust in relationships again. Their lack of trust in long term relationships can lead to a pattern of non-committal behaviors to avoid getting hurt again.

Unresolved Trauma

Trauma that affects your love life can develop in childhood and past relationships. Your date could have deep-rooted intimacy issues that prevent a healthy committed relationship. They can work on this in therapy as it’s not your obligation to try and “fix” them.

What to Do If You’re Dating Someone With Commitment Issues

When it comes to enjoying long term relationships, if the person you’re seeing has commitment issues while dating, it probably will never be built to last. The first thing you need to figure out is whether this person is the right one for you. Unfortunately, you cannot change someone, no matter how hard you try. Own your standards and recognize your self-worth. Don’t ignore red flags or deal breakers in early dating, as these are usually why the relationship ends later.  

Looking for extra support? Our Heart Appeal relationship coaches are your dedicated advisors when navigating the dating world. We help singles of all ages find the right match, not just the next one. Sign up today  to join our exclusive community!