Ten Things a Relationship Coach Can Do for You | Heart Appeal

Dating coaches can truly help singles looking for the one

You may have found yourself wondering what can a dating coach, relationship guru, or non-creepy professional wing-person do for you. The answer? They improve your ability to understand yourself and what you can bring to a partnership.

If your dating life has been disappointingly stagnant the past few months (or years), you’re tired of constantly feeling like a third wheel, or you struggle to remain interested in the people you choose as partners, including a dating coach in your romantically-perfumed arsenal of date-night preparations. 

Even pro athletes utilize coaches. Relationship gurus, like in sports, help people improve their methods in dating practice so that performance can improve in the real world. Coaches understand achievable goals, know how to communicate where advancements can be made, and are not shy about cheering you on when you hit your stride.

A good dating coach will gently usher you away from cheap tricks to get someone to notice you and give you the tools necessary for your mindset to shift from one of entitlement or anxiety to one of self-assured vulnerability. Your guru will encourage you to share the person you are rather than assist in a compilation of material-focused psychological trickery for you to whip out on flashcards mid-soiree. 

They’ll introduce you to the emotional discomfort that will eventually attract the one, not just the next one. Better yet, a relationship coach will understand your past habits of avoidance, fear, distraction, self-sabotage, or other patterns and gift you with coping mechanisms to practice and methods of healing that can work your heart’s durability in times of stress. This will not only make you a better potential partner but prepare you for both the realities of rejection and the (possibly more frightening) high possibilities of finding a warm, romantic love. 

If you’re single, seeking love can feel lonely. You do not have to do this alone. If you’re in a partnership, maintaining the “spark” and discovering new elements to your relationship can feel draining at times. Doing nothing about this will not increase your chances of reigniting a flame. Use a relationship coach.

But what can a relationship coach do?

1. Help you attract the types of people with whom you’d want to spend time

The dating world is flooded with tieless people who want a long-term relationship, want to date around and play the field, or do not have any idea what they want. Discovering potential matches is not only about diving into the overwhelm and picking someone you find physically attractive, but acknowledging what you want out of a relationship so you can best identify other people who want the same. Psychology Today found that the more options a person has, the less likely they are to be able to confidently make a decision. A coach can help you avoid this frustrating flop.

2. Guide you to make dating decisions that feel empowering and true

Have you ever stared at a project for so long or worked on a document for hours on end, to the point where you miss grammatical mistakes and forget to tie your points back to your thesis? This can happen (more interestingly than in a research paper, thankfully) when you’re on your own in the dating world. An outsider’s perspective can help us revisit our desired lifestyle, goals, and values. Like having someone else look over your draft, a relationship coach can locate the tools you need to improve your experiences without recommending that you throw out all your previous work.

3. Show you how to get energy from forming relationships, rather than become exhausted by them

Successful first dates, second dates, and eventual relationship formation require emotional energy that is oftentimes difficult to tap into, even for the most outgoing people. Building a meaningful connection can begin with wracked nerves and awkward ramblings. A dating coach can help you practice honing in on topics that reenergize both parties and keep the conversation interesting, so enjoyable nights can still come from evenings that end in a platonic friendship. For evenings that end in more, a coach can help you take note of what worked well and what you found most rewarding so you can repeat and build upon those elements of a new relationship.

4. Assist you in zeroing in on your most authentic flirtation skills

“Spontaneous” dancing, physical touch, and flattery are all elements of flirtation you may have seen in movies or on television. While these tropes look good on screen, they can be awkward to execute in person, particularly on an early date. You or your date’s personality may not line up with the expectations put before us by the media. A dating guru can help you sort through the types of flirting you’re comfortable with and where you or your date’s boundaries might lie. Getting the vibe of your date’s feelings towards your flirting as well as noticing how you feel about theirs and seeing how these might be compatible is a crucial skill you can learn with some guidance. 

5. Educate you on what the people you like are seeking in their quests for love

Active listening, like vulnerability, is a muscle that becomes stronger with sustained practice. Learning to see those you date for who they are, by asking curious questions and absorbing their responses, will take the pressure off of the more performative elements of dating and relationships. The sooner you can help your partner communicate what they want, the sooner you’ll be able to tell if you’re genuinely attracted to them or just the idea of them. 

6. Aid you in validating and shedding off your past before embarking on a new relationship

A dating coach will help you learn to cope with triggers from any past traumatic experiences in your life and work with you to understand what you may need to ask of in a new relationship to avoid running into similar problems or misunderstanding the needs and intentions of a new person and partnership.

7. Improve the quality of the dates you experience

A relationship guru knows where serious potential partners tend to spend their time based on your hobbies and traits and will coach you through knowing what to look for, how to approach people in a way that comes across as engaging (not creepy or imposing), and how to meaningfully turn an introduction into a first date.

8. Target vital skills for relating to those around you

In these uncertain times, many of us are out of practice socializing with new people in general, let alone in romantic contexts. With the help of a coach, you can learn a few tactics of encouraging conversation while simultaneously recognizing the other person’s cues of interest or distraction.

9. Coach you on deepening intimacy and pleasure

Learning to communicate what you want and need out of the more physical elements of a relationship with a new or even years-long love can be scary. A coach can help you discuss boundaries, thrills, questions, curiosities, and ideas in a safe environment.

10.  Over time, introduce you to the best version of yourself 

One of the most qualities consistently deemed as attractive by all types of people is self-confidence. Unfortunately, opening yourself up for rejection in dating can make you aware of buried insecurities. A dating will celebrate you for your strengths patiently implement achievable plans to improve your weaknesses. 

They will show you how to accept yourself, which will become noticeable to potential partners and lift their self-esteem when they spend time with you, as a result. After time with a coach, you will be ready to take on the dating world with new compassion and excitement for your experiences, armed with the confidence it takes to fall in love.